I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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