Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
bring money and cleavage
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
