Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
