Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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