you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
