This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
