Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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