Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
