Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
