don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
