Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't turn off my feet"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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