hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
