I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
