I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
