She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
