i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
