I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
