I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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