Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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