apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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