what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
