I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
