I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
