I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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