dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
