I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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