no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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