we have pet lesbian snakes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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