dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
