i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
