I'm pants shitting drunk right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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