Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
