Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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