If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
