Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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