Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
