my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
