For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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