he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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