My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
