I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
