Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
