you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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