Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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