Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Houston, we have a squirter
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
