Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
