if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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