butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
