I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
