I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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