jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Bring me that man meat
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
