I could make wine with my vomit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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