I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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